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CHAPTER 1: DIVORCE - A WINDOW INTO PERSONALITY

Relationships do not mysteriously die. Individuals may spend years or even lifetimes trying to understand how their lives have been shaped by the questionable interpersonal motives of others. This book demystifies this prolonged maturational task by clearly defining maladaptive personality that threatens marital stability and prolongs recovering from painful relationships.

It is difficult to recover from misunderstood relationships when individuals over or underestimate what they know about life. Naïve and fictional accounts of reality have ties to needless domestic aggression and lingering mystery in disordered relationships.

Trying to understand the personality that binds loyal and disordered relationships can be a painful and tortuous journey. The drive to examine the health of one’s relationships is a normal maturational task in adulthood fraught with varying degrees of misunderstood resistance.

This confounding resistance is shaped by personality. The evolutionary challenges associated with understanding the maladaptive dynamics of personality seem to have been forgotten as we appreciate modern advances in medicine and technology.

Even though science has progressed, modern reasoning will always be plagued by mythological and other maladaptive thinking. For example, years after landing on the moon, medicine was still thinking that women had some unique immunity from heart disease. Medicine has recently adapted by altering this maladaptive reasoning. However, in disordered relationships and chaotic divorces, mythological accounts of reality never become extinct.

Personality is one of the most fictionalized and misunderstood forces of human nature. History and divorce are shaped by the predominance of either adaptive or maladaptive personality. Within disordered relationships you find elements of complacency, submission, fear and propaganda; forces in human nature that prevent cultures from evolving. This list illustrates the prevalence of maladaptive functioning throughout the evolution of humanity.

Individuals commonly spend years trying to separate fact from fiction when they examine the integrity of their marriages, family ties, premarital anxiety, past partners, trying events, etc. Separating fact from fiction is often a futile task since many naïve adults are distracted by the literal features of what partners say or do. These diversions keep naïve individuals from accepting the premise that individuals frequently disguise their interpersonal motives in all disordered relationships.

Since maladaptive interpersonal motives are primarily private or disguised; divorce is a rare challenge in life that threatens their sanctuary. Naïve adults usually underestimate the premise that many adults are highly motivated to take their secrets, fears and questionable interpersonal motives to their graves. Maturing adults find it very difficult to accept the reality that loved ones with questionable interpersonal motives thrive upon fictionalizing their own personality and the health of their social ties.

Many individuals want to get married, yet later they may vigorously resist having their interpersonal motives scrutinized by others. Mysterious or charismatic partners may be quite appealing, but their ability to face the maturational demands of marriage and divorce is commonly overestimated.

Even though the divorce rate is high today, adults have been abusing the institution of marriage throughout history. Individuals with maladaptive personality are proficient in terms of hiding or disguising their ulterior motives that shape all of their relationships. Similar dynamics are found among politicians who carefully avoid questions that may challenge their adult competency or vocational motives.

What many of these politicians fail to understand is that citizens in healthy cultures are attracted to leaders who effectively manage all sorts of inquiries. The main point involves the universal dynamic that interpersonal needs are not hidden or disguised in healthy relationships and courageous leadership.

Varying motives found in divorce are universal phenomena found in all other trying events and relationships. Understanding adaptive and maladaptive personality requires time. It helps to remember that writers and producers spend years creating movies that accurately portray recurrent themes of dark personality.

You may have heard the old saying, “You never get to know someone until you live with them.” There is some validity to this point of view, but this psychological wisdom can be exceedingly hollow. In order to increase one’s objective day-to-day understanding of personality and human nature, consider the following: “You don’t get to know someone until you ask them for a divorce or they divorce you.” The same principle applies regarding, “You don’t get to know someone until you try to salvage a failing relationship.”

DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. & SOCIAL DECAY

In terms of understanding character, many Americans may not know that Dr. King was encouraging individuals to increase the accuracy of their interpersonal judgments. This adaptive demand commonly challenges the stability of disordered relationships and maladaptive reasoning. Adults truly differ in terms of how they perceive reality and the health of their social ties. This discrepancy is a function of personality, not intelligence.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. challenged all Americans to bypass demographics when judging character. He was trying to increase social and adult competency by improving the accuracy of social judgments. He may have underestimated the generational stability of bias within maladaptive personality. This bias or predisposition is found among individuals who find sanctuary and malignant opportunity when they misjudge character or reality.

Assassinating the character of someone when a relationship dies is quite similar to destroying the character and restricting the adaptive potential of Black Americans before the 1970’s. These dynamics are found in every hostile divorce in America today. I think Dr. King would also be disappointed with the character assassination you find today in low level politics and journalism. Character assassination is an addictive form of immediate gratification that precludes adaptive curiosity and higher order leadership.

Self absorbed adults often behave as if they are the only person who has ever had to face the maturational challenges of divorce. Their delusional reasoning blocks remorse which makes it easier for them to harm their family members. Their special immunity from having to manage the maturational demands of divorce is also reinforced by their delusional (false) reasoning. This false reasoning helps adults stabilize their elite perceptions regarding how life should be lived.

Maladaptive reasoning stabilizes illegitimate blame and character assassination. Misjudging character or personality has always stabilized segregation and failing marriages. Racism, in terms of personality, is an active or passive malignant control of ideas and people. These dynamics plague all disordered or questionable relationships. Many good parents have been divided from their children after having their character destroyed by an ex-spouse.

DOMESTIC COWARDICE

Many individuals may not understand that domestic cowardice has links to needless aggression and rigid distortions of reality. Throughout history, it has oppressed the adaptive potential of spouses and citizens. In every facet of maladaptive personality, you will find elements of domestic cowardice.

Domestic cowardice is a spectrum of maladaptive personality where you find needless aggression, questionable leadership, fictionalized reality and disturbed loyalties. Raising children to hate America, Israel and other Western cultures is an example of domestic cowardice. Similar dynamics are found in hostile divorces when spouses brainwash children into disliking or not trusting their healthier parent.

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